Work in progress.......

Every time I see how long it's been since my last post, I just can't believe it. I used to be nuts about posting! Busy this busy that, I just need to make the time. It has been a wonderful, stressful, overwhelming, exciting few months friends. Around the holidays last year I heard a song that literally made me pull my car over and call the radio station. This song is now the #1 song in all the land for the past 3 weeks and I'm sure many of you have heard it 10 million times. "Somebody That I Used To Know" by Gotye. There was "something" about this voice that just spoke to me in a way that lit me up from inside. I thought that after my post natal depression my creativity was dead, gone, toast, never to return again. I hadn't written a lyric, a poem, nothing for the past few years. Part of me thought it was my consequence for making so many self destructive and hurtful choices before I was treated. As an aside....I think once this hits you, you are never really "treated" for it is something I continue to struggle with but have a good handle on.....but I digress....... Since hearing Gotye's beautifully unique voice and downloading his music, I have been writing almost every day. It ignited something inside of me I thought was gone forever and I also noticed Noah was the same way. He has always had good rhythm and loved music but it was HIS music he wanted to listen to over and over and over again. He would pick out little nuances within the song and wanted to get his hand on any instrument he could. His quick knowledge of the lyrics is pretty amazing as well. So when I found out Gotye was coming to town I was on the internet anxiously awaiting tickets to buy. Alas, they sold out in about 4 and a half minutes. Not one to easily give up if ever, I emailed his management and asked about getting on the guest list. Nothing really came of that so the day of the show I took Noah downtown Seattle to the venue around the time I thought soundcheck would be. Noah wasted no time, walked up to the tour bus and knocked on the door. The road manager answered and Noah said "Can I speak to Wally please?" (Wally De Backer is Gotye's real name) The guy chuckled and said "How do you know who Wally is?" Noah said "He sings "Somebody That I Used To Know" I love it!!" and proceeded to sing and dance in view of the band on the bus. About 5 minutes later, Wally came walking out and Noah RAN up to him screaming his name! He hugged him so tight it was adorable! He wouldn't let Wally go either and thankfully Wally didn't mind. He was getting a kick out of this toddler singing all his songs to him and just......oh it was awesome. Here's a couple of pics from that moment....

Wally was amazing to chat with and was so incredibly sweet. He asked if we wanted to stay for soundcheck and when he found out I couldn't get tickets to the show that night, he said "No worries I'll put you on the guest list and make sure you get backstage and all that so we can chat some more afterwards" Now to say I was "excited"........nowhere near an accurate adjective but I remained super cool and professional until I reached my car. Then I squealed like a 13 year old girl! I went to the show all by my lonesome, which is actually how I prefer to go to certain shows. When I go with someone else to shows I am always worried I am "zoning out" too much because I focus on the music and the whole experience so intently so I'm always worried they aren't having fun....etc. Depends on the show but this one I am so glad I was alone. I have not been creatively moved like that since I saw R.E.M. for the first time so many years ago. I hung out with Wally for a bit after the show and couldn't believe I was talking to someone that could talk about music as much as I could. His passion and excitement about the world of music is both inspiring and contagious! Before I left he gave me his email and asked that I send my postal address so he could send something. The mere thought was so nice but with his insane schedule I thought to myself "There's no way he is going to remember me!" Here's a pic of us after the show. Love this!

I emailed him the following morning and about a week later we got a special package from him filled with all sorts of wonderful prezzies I was so touched and Noah freaked OUT! Don't believe me? Ok have a look...

I have so much to thank him for; his thoughtfulness, his talent, his caring about my family in many ways, other things as well some of it very personal....I know, I know....I usually share everything and then some but some things I just hold in my heart for those moments I need to remember certain things about myself. One thing I would like to share is he said that my creative "side" is not a "side" of me at all. It IS me and it will always be me. That got to me. I know I am a work in progress in so many ways but to remember that helps me so much and to think that an almost stranger saw that in me fuels my desire for a better me. I hope you all have someone in your life that fuels you, sparks your creativity, your passion. I promise promise I will update more soon, I just really wanted to share this with you. Much love to you guys! I miss you!

Things I never thought I would say.....

Having a baby truly does change everything. Everything you say, do...it's just so funny sometimes the conversations I end up having with Noah. Aaron and I were laughing so hard last night because we kept catching each other saying things we never thought we would ever have to say. Here a a few that came to mind......

"Noah honey, please stop riding the dog!"

"Noah if I have to tell you one more time not to eat the dog's food.....!"

"Sweetie, please quit pulling on your penis!"

"No honey, I don't want to eat your poop."
"No, the poop can't join us for dinner."

"Yes, those are her boobies."

"You're cold? No honey, you can't get back in my belly."

What are some of yours?

Let's catch up shall we?

First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR! I am so grateful for all the miracles that took place in 2011 and look forward to an even better 2012. It's a tall order but who knows? 2011 saw our family reunited, moving into our first home, paying off a lot of debt, marveling in Noah's incredibly sweet soul, meeting my sister for the first time in 25 years, watching our parents hold her and their other grand kiddos (a sight I still am processing). I guess pictures really are worth a thousand words so rather than babble on and on, let me share some of the most wonderful moments of the past year.

This home signifies so much more than "having a house". It symbolizes a fresh start, a new chapter....well heck...a whole new book for us.

Goofing around with my sister........long time coming.

Squishing my nephew Zachy

Squishing my nephew Brennen

My amazing nephew Gunnar

Visiting the most amazing friend! Love you Dixie!

Fun family outings like this trip to Forks.

Taking Noah to his first fair

Maris Farms pumpkin patch complete with hayride. Yea, we're dorks.

Awww, our little ham :)

Halloween!

And Christmas joy was had by all!

Especially Jodie! Haha!

So here's an update on we three Wise's....
Aaron has been working like crazy as usual. He has received a bunch of bravo zulus (awards of merit) at work. He also went out for the Seattle Fire Department. After numerous call backs and interviews, they informed him that he was in the top 20% but due to the mayor making cuts, they are unable to hire him at this time but will keep him informed of any changes. That would be so incredible for our family and so we are crossing all fingers and toes!! The time we get together is rare so we try to make the most of it. He looooves his video game down time, his guitar down time but mostly his family down time. He is getting back into working out and getting his mind and body healthy. I am so proud of him, the progress made in our marriage and the amazing father he is to our Noah.

I have had a crazy year! Since reconnecting with my sister, I have been so full of joy, confusion, hurt, excitement, you name it! It was so incredibly overwhelming to SEE her and POOF, I had 3 nephews, a brother in law and a sister I had long since buried, always wondered about and never forgotten. I still feel kind of "out of body" about it sometimes. I am very happy that my parents have reconnected with her as well and are loving her the way she has always deserved. I have forgiven my parents but struggle with trusting anything that they tell me. There is so much to sort out in my mind and I only pray that everything coming from them is genuine and will be healthy for everyone involved. I was on Zoloft for about 6 months and it put a hefty 40lbs on me so I am getting that off as fast as I can. I am very grateful that Zoloft helped me get back to "me" but wow, I had to ween off of it because the weight gain was out of control! I still struggle from time to time but I just start counting all the blessings in my life and it helps bring me out of the funk. I still work evenings at The Home Depot. I have paid off about 60% of my debt this year and plan to be debt free by Christmas. I plan to start a book club with some gals from the ward and hopefully work on my children's books! I am also happy to say that Aaron & I are thinking of having another baby this year!

Noah is growing so fast and I am so proud of the little man he is. He is potty trained and feeling like such a big boy! He makes friends instantly and has the sweetest heart! When he hears a child cry, he offers a hug. When I am sick, he brings me water and a blanket. When he wakes up he has to say good morning to the dogs and give them a hug. When he sees a homeless man, he grabs our groceries and gives him some bananas. When I tell him a friend at work had to say goodbye to her kitty after 17 years, he suggests getting her flowers to cheer her up. That is Noah. Now, is he a normal 3 year old and drives me nuts with his tantrums and the constant negotiating that occurs with every single decision? Of course but ya know, gotta focus on the positive right? Haha!

Jodie & Ginger are unfortunately starting to show their age a bit. They are both 12. Ginger has always been fat and grumpy haha so nothing has changed there. Jodie has a lump on her neck that we are unsure about and waiting for the word from the vet. She has slowed down a bit and her eyesight is not as great but both pups are surrounded with love all day long and are spoiled rotten with plenty of squirrels to chase in the backyard!

Now bring it on 2012!! Many blessings to all of you and thank you for being a part of my life!

Tis The Season!

Hi all! I cannot believe how long it's been since I have posted. So much has been going on with our family I am unsure where to dig in! I will just talk about the Christmas season and how much I love it! We can always dig deeper later! Haha! I decorated a tad early this year because Aaron only had 1 day off to hop on the roof and hang lights so we had to "get er done" so we had our halls officially decked before Thanksgiving. As a rule I usually wait until the weekend after Thanksgiving but oooh well! Here are a couple of pics of some of the decor.

I wish I could accurately capture how beautiful it looks and feels at night! I love to make a fire, cuddle up and have some hot chocolate and catch up on my shows. I tried something last night that I wasn't too excited about but it was free so I tried it! McDonald's peppermint hot chocolate! SOOOO good! I am going to the store today to pick up some and had this one recommended to me so to the store I shall go! Also praisworthy are the peppermint oreos! YUM!

Christmas music is another necessity 24/7. I listen to it in the car, on my computer when we are home and it is also on at work. I hear a lot of folks complain about it but I really can't get enough! I have been listening to Michael Buble's Christmas CD pretty much all the time. He is just incredible!

More later! Love to all!

This and that and a little pinch of wha?

Since I don't see 99% of you lovelies anymore, I thought I would give you an update in "everyday life" for me and get some insight from my peeps. I am not one to hide so this could very well be TMI but that's me, the open book!
Since I was treated for depression (which is a silly term cuz I don't think it's ever "treated" fully) Anyhoo, some days are such a struggle. I've always been the girl that goes for whatever people think is impossible. People told me I could not get a job on Music Row at age 19 without a music degree.....I not only got a job, I got FOUR! People said I would never make it into the acting biz in any fashion, the odds were just too stacked against me. Forget that! I accomplished things in LA I am truly proud of and never compromised my integrity to do so.
Since having Noah and raising him, I am so conflicted because I feel like I have no creative purpose. I know in my heart I am doing the most important job in staying home with him and teaching him but it's been such a personal struggle to not lose myself. I'm not just a mom. I am also a woman, a creative woman that neeeeds to get things out. I need people. I miss having friends. I miss book club...etc. I have truly felt so alone and it's very hard to fight depression feeling that way. I am determined to do it though It's just very hard sometimes.

For those of you that don't know my schedule....here's a typical day.  Noah is up around 7am. Aaron get's home around 6:45pm and I race out the door to get to work by 7pm and work until 11pm. Sundays are his only day off and I am at work alllllll day that day.
There are some nice gals at work but I feel like it's a club I'm not really invited to join just yet. I have been to my new ward a couple of times when I am not scheduled at work but Aaron will not attend with me. He doesn't consider himself a Mormon anymore which breaks my heart because I am fighting hard to restore my testimony and make amends for my behavior last year. Hopes of renewing our temple covenants are pretty much non-existent. If Aaron feels pushed at all he resists even more so I cannot talk about this with him.  With our separation and his mothers death shortly after....he's had to deal with a lot as well. I am praying that someday we can find our way back to church together. I really loved that shared experience and Noah loves nursery.
I do not wish to sound like Debbie Downer. I am so grateful for how hard my husband works to provide for us. Aaron and I have made amazing strides in healing our relationship. We really listen to each other and our love has grown very deep as well as our respect for one another. My son is amazing. So sweet, so smart and funny! We have a beautiful home, our health etc... Believe that is not lost on me.

My family is a whole other bag of worms! I haven't spoken to my mother in a month and before that it was the most ridiculous conversation ever. Nothing ever gets accomplished. I am so hurt and confused over what was told to me for so many years but I can't talk with her about it. It's either denial or defense.  I have reached out to her so many times. She has asked what she can do, I told her, she refuses to pick up the phone and have a conversation. To be THAT disrespected by my own mother is so messed up I cannot even begin to tell you. I love my parents. They are damaged in many ways as most of us are. However, when your children are begging for your help in understanding your behavior, your actions, would you not do EVERYTHING to humble yourself and help them through their struggle? I am grateful I can talk to my dad about things but that causes a whole other set of messes. It's just so ridiculous if it wasn't so heartbreaking.
SO on to other news.......thought I'd just share some pics of Noah, our home, different stuff for your enjoyment :)

Awww shucks!

My Gerber Daisies

Kite flying in our culdesac

Oh Jersey Mikes.....how we love you so!

Fort building 101
 Well ta ta for now! Take care of you and yours!

Twerd Trip!

Hi all! Still trying to get back in the swing of things as far as updating the blog. Thanx to those that commented on my last post about my sister. I cannot wait to meet her and her beautiful family!

Aaron has had some rare time off lately so we have been trying to make good use of the time together. He surprised me with a road trip to Port Angeles, La Push, and Forks! What a man hu? He watches Twilight movies with me but I'm sure this was NOT his ideal trip. We had a wonderful time! It was our first road trip with Noah and he did great! It was THE most beautiful day! We have literally had about 4 nice days out of the last few months...grrrr. Washington weather is not for me I'll tell ya that. Anyhoo, our first stop was Port Angeles! This was by far my favorite stop. I cannot wait to go back and spend more time. As you can imagine, Noah wasn't up for antique shopping so our time was limited.

This is the restaurant Edward & Bella had their first "date" in.

The bookstore Bella journeys to to buy the book on Quilete Indian legends.

Bella's truck is right outside the Forks Chamber of Commerce.

Quite lovely scenery driving there. Breathtaking actually!

Noah getting a refresher course on table manners :)

Bella's house

This place has really embraced the Twilight fans! Love it!

La Push baby, La Push

My favorite picture! Noah looooved seeing the beach!

Jacob came over to check on us and make sure there were no vampires giving us any trouble :)

My happy men

One of the best feelings in the world!

A rare family pic (thanx to the passerby that offered to take it)
Wise family road trip.....success!

So much to say.

Often, it is where to begin that is the hardest for me. I am so full of emotion I just want to blurt....then I have to backtrack to make any kind of sense.  So here goes!
For over a year I have had a friend request in my inbox on Facebook. I never deleted it but also didn't respond. It was from my sister who I had not seen nor spoken to, communicated with...etc. for 25 years. What I was told about her was and why she left home when I was around 9 (she being 5 years older) I have since learned was not the truth by any stretch of the imagination.  LONG story shorter, one day I was just looking at her picture and I clicked "confirm" on the friend request. Every day since has been filled with conversations that last for HOURS and are still not long enough, wonderful emails....etc. Despite having grown up apart, we are freakishly similar in our likes, dislikes, humor, talents, tastes in design.....you name it.  It has been so overwhelming and wonderful at the same time.  I have 3 nephews I have never met and a brother-in-law that sounds like such a wonderful man. He adores my sister so that makes him a-ok in my book.
They are all coming to visit in July so it is going to be an amazing birthday this year. She is also a Harry Potter fan so we will be going to the midnight showing of the final HP movie.  YAY!!  It is going to be so ridiculous in so many ways I just cannot wait! 
I'm sure you all are wondering if she is as beautiful as I am.....hahaha!! So here's a pic of my gorgeous sis and her hubby Anthony!

  Here are a couple blasts from the past for your enjoyment :)

 On that happy note. I bid you farewell for today  :)  Love to all