This and that and a little pinch of wha?

Since I don't see 99% of you lovelies anymore, I thought I would give you an update in "everyday life" for me and get some insight from my peeps. I am not one to hide so this could very well be TMI but that's me, the open book!
Since I was treated for depression (which is a silly term cuz I don't think it's ever "treated" fully) Anyhoo, some days are such a struggle. I've always been the girl that goes for whatever people think is impossible. People told me I could not get a job on Music Row at age 19 without a music degree.....I not only got a job, I got FOUR! People said I would never make it into the acting biz in any fashion, the odds were just too stacked against me. Forget that! I accomplished things in LA I am truly proud of and never compromised my integrity to do so.
Since having Noah and raising him, I am so conflicted because I feel like I have no creative purpose. I know in my heart I am doing the most important job in staying home with him and teaching him but it's been such a personal struggle to not lose myself. I'm not just a mom. I am also a woman, a creative woman that neeeeds to get things out. I need people. I miss having friends. I miss book club...etc. I have truly felt so alone and it's very hard to fight depression feeling that way. I am determined to do it though It's just very hard sometimes.

For those of you that don't know my schedule....here's a typical day.  Noah is up around 7am. Aaron get's home around 6:45pm and I race out the door to get to work by 7pm and work until 11pm. Sundays are his only day off and I am at work alllllll day that day.
There are some nice gals at work but I feel like it's a club I'm not really invited to join just yet. I have been to my new ward a couple of times when I am not scheduled at work but Aaron will not attend with me. He doesn't consider himself a Mormon anymore which breaks my heart because I am fighting hard to restore my testimony and make amends for my behavior last year. Hopes of renewing our temple covenants are pretty much non-existent. If Aaron feels pushed at all he resists even more so I cannot talk about this with him.  With our separation and his mothers death shortly after....he's had to deal with a lot as well. I am praying that someday we can find our way back to church together. I really loved that shared experience and Noah loves nursery.
I do not wish to sound like Debbie Downer. I am so grateful for how hard my husband works to provide for us. Aaron and I have made amazing strides in healing our relationship. We really listen to each other and our love has grown very deep as well as our respect for one another. My son is amazing. So sweet, so smart and funny! We have a beautiful home, our health etc... Believe that is not lost on me.

My family is a whole other bag of worms! I haven't spoken to my mother in a month and before that it was the most ridiculous conversation ever. Nothing ever gets accomplished. I am so hurt and confused over what was told to me for so many years but I can't talk with her about it. It's either denial or defense.  I have reached out to her so many times. She has asked what she can do, I told her, she refuses to pick up the phone and have a conversation. To be THAT disrespected by my own mother is so messed up I cannot even begin to tell you. I love my parents. They are damaged in many ways as most of us are. However, when your children are begging for your help in understanding your behavior, your actions, would you not do EVERYTHING to humble yourself and help them through their struggle? I am grateful I can talk to my dad about things but that causes a whole other set of messes. It's just so ridiculous if it wasn't so heartbreaking.
SO on to other news.......thought I'd just share some pics of Noah, our home, different stuff for your enjoyment :)

Awww shucks!

My Gerber Daisies

Kite flying in our culdesac

Oh Jersey Mikes.....how we love you so!

Fort building 101
 Well ta ta for now! Take care of you and yours!